I hope the only LAUGHS you seem to have during the holidays aren’t from the bubbles up your nose when you guzzle that full glass of champagne as your father-in-law attempts to regale everyone at dinner with details of his annual physical. If they are, you definitely need a lot more to LAUGH about. TREAT yourself to this LAUGH instead:

LAUGH #2. Anything by word-genius Nora Ephron, but for sure her new book, I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections.

Are you a woman over 40 whose workstation is so covered over with reminder Post-It notes that you could weave them together as a comforter?  Then TREAT yourself today to this new book from one of the funniest authors alive – at 69, that’s something to LAUGH about!   Writing about the annoying and alarming things that plague most women over 40, Ephron makes me LAUGH so hard I can almost understand the reason manufacturers of adult diapers are in business. But I won’t bring myself to forgive them for their insufferably awful commercials.

Ephron’s last book, I Feel Bad About My Neck, obsessed about that body part while making fun of older women who celebrate their wisdom (OK, I confess:  even I LAUGHED at that).  Sit down with her new one, I Remember Nothing: And Other Reflections, and I promise you will never again think of Aruba merely as a pleasurable island getaway.  Nor will you ever again take your elbows for granted.

Screenwriter, film director, producer, novelist, playwright, journalist and, of course, blogger, Ephron could easily add stand-up comic to her portfolio.  During TV appearances to promote her book, she is both visually and audibly droll and hilarious. She is somewhat like your sardonic friend who isn’t really trying to be funny when she talks about her latest horror show in front of a three-way mirror, but who has everyone screaming with howls of laughter and empathy, and repeating her stories for weeks afterwards.

Ephron is the DARE-ING master of the kind of humor based on the cruelest facts of life, especially for women over 40. This somehow makes those inescapable truths easier to bear – for us and for her.  In fact, she managed to turn one of the truly awful periods of her life into a major therapeutic catharsis: the novel Heartburn, based on her discovery of then-husband Carl Bernstein’s affair with a mutual friend.  In the novel, Ephron describes the anti-hero husband as being “capable of having sex with a Venetian blind.”  I could only envision the literal manifestation of that phrase and how it would’ve cut the thing short – ba dump bump.  But I digress.  The novel was turned into the hit film by the same title, starring Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson.  Ephron doesn’t allow herself to get stuck at “life sucks.”  She moves immediately to yucks, and then to bucks.  If only all of us could be that talented.

Not only is Ephron’s talent for making us LAUGH serious business, her genius is in taking on subjects of style and substance that very few other writers would DARE with such courage and conviction.  One of my favorite examples is her grave and passionate excoriation of her own alma mater, Wellesley, in one of her earlier books, Crazy Salad.  Ephron tells readers that a certain Wellesley dean was advocating for graduates a life of, as Ephron puts it, “glazed politeness.” The dean was in essence advising graduates to plant themselves firmly in some middle ground of “tolerance,” about which Ephron objects:

“How marvelous it would have been to go to a woman’s college that encouraged impoliteness, that rewarded aggression, that encouraged argument. Women by the time they are eighteen are so beaten down, so tyrannized out of behaving in all the wonderful outspoken ways unfortunately characterized as masculine…We all graduated from Wellesley able to describe everything we had studied… yet we were never asked what we thought of any of it…”

Ephron’s intelligent point of view on DARE-ING to have a substantive voice resonated with me when I first read Crazy Salad some 30 years ago. But now that I’m in my fifties and observing younger women, in my work, in the classroom and in social settings, it resonates even more.  Aside from the shrill spectacles of media-maniac celebri-tots and faux-cialites gone wrong, some young women today seem so tentative and polite about everything. Everthing except exposing their cleavage and midriffs at inappropriate times in frankly unattractive outfits (more like costumes). And all the while they are affecting intonations in their speaking patterns that result in their punctuating, with an emphatic question mark, even their most assertive declarative sentences:  “Wow, Miley is really rocking that SKIRT?” (Emphasis added to make my point.)  In my opinion, what they really need to rock is a double dose of Ephron!

For all DARE-ING women but especially for women over 40, Ephron is the real deal. Unlike other writers whose work seems an obvious pastiche of ghostwriters, agents, publicists and others assigned to famous authors’ production line and marketing teams, she makes you feel that she’s been through what ails you, she’s still recovering, and she’s got the cure.  In fact, “Ephron” even sounds like the name of a great new drug for women over 40.  Imagine:

For all those cranky people you know:  “Get over your bitching.  Take two Ephrons and brawl me in the morning!”

Not in the mood?  “Sorry, not tonight, babe. I’m having a major Ephron moment.”

Can’t sleep?  “Heading to the kitchen for warm milk and an Ephron, dear.  Don’t wait up.”

So, go ahead and TREAT yourself with Ephron.  You’ll LAUGH until you cry, or pee, or fall asleep happily exhausted.  And, who knows, at your next family get-together, you might remember something Ephron wrote about older men who hog the spotlight, just as your father-in-law is about to regale everyone with a frame-by-frame analysis of his colonoscopy.  TREAT yourself to a little more Champagne, and pray that your LAUGHS are loud enough to drown him out.

Next blog:  More LAUGHS from two great comics over 40.

Whether a BREAK for you entails a favorite sport, taking a class, reading novels by favorite authors, skiing in frigid weather, or sitting on a beach meditating, you know what refreshes you to meet and conquer new challenges.  OK, so none of us is free as a bluebird, but a little more DARE-Play, even in small doses – an hour, a day or a weekend – could help keep the crow’s feet at bay.  Here are some ideas:

1.     Break Free! Bored by your usual exercise routine?  Check out www.workoutz.com a free site with clips of every exercise you can imagine – and some you probably wouldn’t believe – like Burpees: a full body combo of squats, jumps and leg lifts, no equipment needed.  Likewise, chair boxing, or chair aerobics, plus Wii fitness and Zumba, which is pumping aerobics set to Latin music. To really pump it up, try a hula-hoop, jump rope or trampoline.  Learning any new sport – whether you intend to master it or not – can wake up your muscles, strengthen your bones and boost your calorie burn.

2.     Laugh to keep from crying. Dr. Madan Kataria, an Indian medical doctor, has created “laughter yoga” – whole-body exercise of laughter with yoga breathing.  So respected, he was brought to Iraq to cheer up our soldiers.  Find laughter clubs in the U.S. at www.laughteryoga.us.

3.     You say Vacation, I say Stay-cation. Has really caught on this past year, because taking a break by exploring local landmarks, nature trails or ethnic enclaves means you can take a break without going broke doing it.

4.     Take this Job and Love It. Explore another job or career via a “vocation vacation” www.vocationvacations.com, where you’ll be paired up with a guide in your career of interest.  Worth it, if you want to pursue your second act, but need direction.

5.     Get More Head Vroom.  Get smart and have fun at the same time.  A few suggestions:

• Retorts and All. Come up with a better comeback to that twit in your office that thinks he has all the answers!  Formulate a pithy (and respectful) rejoinder to your boss’s demand that you work yet another weekend! How? Take an improvisation class, guaranteed to improve your response time, your sense of humor and your confidence.

• Speak Up, Speak Out.  Fear of public speaking in second only to fear of death as the most common phobia.  At some point you’ll have to deliver an articulate speech or make a sales presentation or introduce yourself at an important meeting.  And, if you’re thinking of going back to college, or starting a business where you’ll have to talk to bankers and investors, or you’re on the C-suite track, you absolutely need to know how to produce and deliver a compelling speech.  Toastmasters, www.toastmasters.org, specializes in helping almost anyone become a better speaker for almost any venue or occasion. 

• Say What? Learn a foreign language – one of the best ways to expand your brainpower. Berlitz, www.berlitz.com specializes in “total immersion” – you engulf yourself in the history, culture, people and other facets of the country whose language you want to master.  If you just want to make sure your stay-cation isn’t cut short by ordering curry that drives a nuclear fissure through your gut,  visit www.rosettastone.com and learn a language fast, even if you’re just venturing a little out of your comfort zone.   

• Tell me about it. If you’d rather keep your mouth shut, write a scathing tell-all memoir. You can let your fingers do the talking at www.writersonlineworkshops.com, which even offers trial runs of courses.  Feed your inner Emily Dickinson via a poetry class, or become a gossip girl via a blog-writing course. Too much work?  Get Your Life As Story, by Tristine Rainer, an easy guide filled with ideas for writing your memoirs. Chapters on:  ”How to Write What You Dare Not Say,” and “Dealing with Your Dark Side“ are too fun to resist.

• Play it again, ham.  As we get older, one of the best ways to feed the brain is to learn to play a musical instrument.  An ear, nose and throat specialist once told me that many people over 40 take up piano, and not just because they’re beautiful, they’re romantic, and they’re available – even for rent – in different sizes for every setting.  The fact is that once we get to our 40s and 50s, our affinity for percussion (drums and other  instruments that are struck hard) lessens, and our preferences evolve to softer music.  Learning to play the piano requires practice that builds and expands brain cells. 

• STOP, LOOK, LISTEN. This Is Your Brain On Music, by neuroscientist Daniel Levitin, is an excellent book on how music changes your brain waves for the better, and how to choose music to help you solve problems, think up new ideas, and generally expand the energy of your brain cells.  Also, check out Fred Plotkin’s two excellent guides, Classical Music 101, and Opera 101, to learn the stories behind the music that has moved men and women for ages.
• It’s All About I – The I-Phone has hundreds of excellent break-time apps, but if your goal is to tune out, try the Bloom App – soft chiming music with visual pops of soothing color that you can manipulate or put on auto-pilot.  The Ambiance app, a compendium of more than a dozen soothing sounds like Lake, Rain, Coast, etc., is just the antidote for that insomnia that strikes at three A.M. the night before a big presentation.

• Read All About It.  Those of us who are sorry we didn’t pay enough attention to Shakespeare or Faulkner and other great authors, can invest just $11.65 for The New Lifetime Reading Plan:  The Classic Guide to World Literature, Revised and Expanded, by Clifton Fadiman and John S. Major, with short summaries of the greatest authors and their works.  

• Get Into A Gap.  People over 40 who’ve been laid off and are lucky to have received compensation packages, might want to consider a “gap year” to reflect, refresh and reinvigorate their lives. An excellent guide is: The Gap Year for Grown Ups, 3rd Edition: The Most Comprehensive, Practical Guide from the Leading Gap Year Specialist, by Susan Griffith (2009).  Griffith covers it all, from the reasons for doing it, such as: “…burn-out, turning 50, sensory overload, bereavement and depression, shaking out the cobwebs…”, to how to manage career and financial implications, and even logistics of dealing with email and renting out your home if you go away.

So, whether you stay, pray or get away, whether you want to take a nap or make a gap, just DARE yourself to PLAY. Live more than a little! Live longer!