Maybe you feel that once you’re 40 or 50 or 60, you’ve become a “subject expert” in so many things it would be hard to find, let alone select, any skills or topics you don’t know enough about from first-hand experience.

In fact, how you view and assimilate the experiences of your twenties and thirties in the second half of your life affects not only your continued personal development but your capacity to guide, coach, mentor, and teach others.

Before I decided to earn my MBA at New York University several years ago, I had worked in marketing services firms for twenty-five years, about half of that as a senior manager responsible for diverse teams of professionals.

There were fundamental lessons I couldn’t, didn’t, or wouldn’t absorb until I was in my forties, when I finally realized I still had a hell of a lot to learn, and it had little to do with becoming smarter about marketing or coming up with yet another so-called Big Idea.  I realized how much I could and needed to learn from the very people I was responsible for “managing “especially about how not to lead.

Guess which lessons were more rigorous? More humbling? More valuable?

Embracing the role of COACH, MENTOR, GUIDE, LEADER, TEACHER, or PATRON, formally or informally, so that others can learn from your experiences and develop their own Big Ideas, is a D A R E -ING move.

While it might seem that you’ve reached the pinnacle of your career because an org chart or your boss or your business card declares you the leader or chief something, not so fast (how about never?) do you become the Empress of Everyone.  The people above you, below you, around you, and in back of you (especially in back of you) will see to that.

They’ll DARE you to prove you’re worthy of their respect, admiration, and loyalty.

In September, I entered a classroom at NYU once again.  Only this time, it was I who was at the front of the room as the instructor.  What I really want my students to learn about marketing is this:  The first brand they need to know how to market effectively is themselves, and that’s about more than just demonstrating their technical expertise or Big Ideas.

If they can’t with confidence and compassion convince a decision maker that they possess the personal empathy, experience, competence, and commitment to help him or her solve a problem that literally keeps him or her awake at night, they will never be able to interest the leader in their technical expertise or persuade the leader to buy into and champion their Big Ideas.

Almost anyone can get book-smart or tech-savvy or quant-driven.  It takes defeat plus determination, it takes humiliation as well as humility, it takes resolve and resilience, to deal with and DARE accept the fact that some of our worst experiences are also those that teach us so much we become experts.

And, who is more expert at that than women over 40?

 to figure out what you’re smarter at than anyone else. DARE to declare yourself an expert. DARE to guide others with what you’ve learned. And, DARE to admit what you don’t know but are willing to learn from the very people you DARE to LEAD or GUIDE or COUNSEL.

It’s really true that in order to be considered an expert in a subject, skill or topic, you have to have learned it so well that you could teach it.   I’m still learning, and I hope all of you are too.

Well-written creditable books and other resources for self-actualization are available in every conceivable form of media. The key word is “creditable”, i.e., produced by psychologists and other valid health professionals; or, management consultants and executive coaches qualified to provide sound advice on business, leadership and management issues.

If you need a consultant to help you organize your life, there are thousands of reputable organizations and private practitioners to help you. You can engage one-on-one, or you can take a workshop. Calendars, charts and comprehensive kits, web-based or not, can help women like you carve out and organize DARE-Space for everything from your stocks to your socks.

Life coaches can be good boosters to get you motivated, but be wary. Many people who call themselves “life coaches” have no professional training, let alone certification, in counseling, management, leadership, or business strategy. Do you really want to trust your life plans or business to someone whose scope of training consists of a 12-week “coaching bootcamp”?

In contrast, professionals with graduate degrees in these disciplines are highly trained to help you determine your needs, wants and priorities. They help you set goals; construct feasible, actionable solutions and plans; and identify and deploy the right resources at the right time. Ultimately, they help you apply – or explore avenues to acquire – your experience and expertise to forge ahead.

Executive coaches and management consultants are experienced business leaders who prepare seasoned professionals, entrepreneurs and other motivated individuals for leadership roles. These are professionals with usually a master’s or Ph.D., who work with you to retrace, evaluate and appreciate every milestone of your career, so that you continue to contribute value and obtain maximum personal benefit. A few years ago, an executive coach from a firm called ReadyMinds worked with me by phone and email for a month, after which I made the decision to pursue my MBA in Finance and Leadership. In turn, the MBA coursework helped me to advance my company, and apply my experience and expertise to helping other women over 40 assess, focus and act on their own personal and professional goals.

Dramatic events can create stress that transcends day-to-day hassles or normal career evolution, and may necessitate counsel from a mental health professional. These professionals – again, master’s or Ph.D.-level experts in counseling, social work or psychology – are qualified to conduct psychological assessments and evaluation, and to recommend a course of treatment. Their expertise is based on thousands of hours of study, peer-reviewed scientific research, and clinical work with individuals facing similar challenges to yours. Psychiatrists, who are medical doctors, are also qualified to dispense medications.

DARE-Supply Resources:
Start with these to figure out what you need, desire and LOVE, and how to make transitions more fruitful than fretful:

1. Authentic Happiness, by Martin E. P. Seligman,Ph.D., whose expertise is “the psychology of optimism.” His website, www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu is filled with reputable advice, as well as self-assessment quizzes to help you increase your positive thinking.
2. www.franklincovey.com – planning and organizational tools of every type imaginable, geared to your life goals and lifestyle.
3. Navigating Midlife, by Eleanor S. Corlett and Nancy B. Millner.
4. Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow, by Marsha Sinetar.
5. What Color is Your Parachute?,by Richard Nelson Bolles.
6. www.readyminds.com – reputable, expert career counseling.
7. Changing Course: A Positive Approach to a New Job or Lifestyle, by Maggie Smith
8. Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change, by William Bridges.
9. www.hayhouse.com: The leader in self-help and transformation resources.
10. An excellent article on Executive Coaching can be found at: www.hbswk.hbs.edu/archive, the website of the Harvard Business School.